12: Why Do I Continue to Repeat Behaviors That I Want to Stop, And What Can I Do?

We all have behaviors and symptoms that we don't feel serve us and that we wish we could stop doing or get rid of. Whether it is sabotaging relationships despite wanting closeness, overreacting in specific situations, or experiencing anxiety, hyper-vigilance, people pleasing, or any other symptom or behavior, somehow they make sense or have coherence within our systems.

When we are triggered or have a symptom or behavior that is consistently coming up, it is important to practice curiosity instead of judgement, use "It makes sense..." to explore instead of feeling like we shouldn't be doing it or having the feeling, and practice compassion for ourselves/for the part that is struggling, and finally, look for experiences that are a mismatch to what we are expecting to have happen. Our brain learns through experiences. The most important first step, though, is to recognize that the repetitive symptom or behavior has deeper roots than whatever is happening in that current moment. Therapy may be needed to help you uncover its origins.

Next Steps:

You can find me at jenalley.com or follow me @jen.alley.therapist on Instagram.

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